Commitment; a brand new beginning

I will restart blogging in a regular basis, regardless of the number of readers I have a day, comments I have or whatever you can still think of. I have more time to spare since I have quited playing computer games as of now. I have taken a long break in this Prelim 1 by not revising my work (I will mention this later on), now it is time to reorganize myself and get back on the track. The reason why I have decided to continue with blogging is because through typing, I am able to organize my thoughts and feelings better since it is tangible, in a certain sense. However, take note that my blog post will not focus on what is happening in my daily life as I think that might be too mundane for some of you to take it. It will focus on my thoughts on ideas and life more.

Alright, regarding the situation in Prelim 1. I have teachers and friends questioning why I did not revise for it. Well, my reasoning is that this results that I will be obtaining in next week would be the worst case scenario of my O's level results. I think my confidence level would be affirmed then. Though some of you might ask, "shouldn't you be trying your best throughout all the examinations?" I don't fully agree with this. It is because in the end, we are preparing for O's level and I reckon by preparing yourself mentally is more important than just trying your best. This can be further reinforced by my previous post. 

So, I have already made a promise to myself as well as Ms Chua to quit playing computer games by this weekends. I'm sure I can do it since I have already stopped playing it for the first quarter of this year. I don't really have anything else to elaborate on this. Hahaha.

Just to leave you with a quotation: "An angry man can be made happy again, but a dead man cannot be revived again."

Advantages

As what Socrates stated when he was alive, it's better to have the ability to win and lose than the inability of them. This sounds reasonable for me. This is mainly because of the word "choice" here.

If you have the advantages in anything that you have, you would have the ability to make a decision out of many options that you are able to. Let us take something that is close to us analogy, academic. Once you are capable of doing a question, you would have many dilemmas, consisting of the variety of methods that you can use. This factor, even though it could lead you to make a fatal mistake in your answer, still proves that you are better than others who tried exasperatedly just to come up the correct answer. 

Why? Like what I have said earlier, it is about the advantages you have. In short, this reminds us of the importance of that process is more important than results, because the results does not necessarily reflect upon your knowledge to the others. Though I might sound like a loser advocate, I would like to take this opportunity that only those who rely on tangible achievements and that fail to understand themselves are really the true losers.

An Apocalypse?!

I have to say I am utterly disappointed in myself, regarding academic or character wise matters. I have difficulties in triggering my brains to function properly. Now, these dysfunctional brains not only have made me petulant and extremely dejected ( the fact that how it screwed up my Chemistry SPA today), but also putting myself in immense pressure. Sigh, I cannot recount how much I have exclaimed the phrase " life sucks" today. And beyond the shadow of doubts, time is running out.

However, the main agenda of my ranting above is to make an apology to anyone who I have offended or upset in the past few days - especially the days when I was ill. I am sorry for not being able to control my own emotions and let it ran loose, indirectly or directly affecting you with my crude choice of words and my notorious sarcasm. I really hope that all of you will not take this incident to heart as what I have said earlier, my brains are dysfunctional, for now. If you have any harbors about it, please do take note my self-tormenting mechanism has already activated. There is no need for you to start your unhappiness act on me, because the intensity that I torment myself emotionally is excruciating. However, I am not emo, I just take disappointment in myself more seriously than other people.

After what have all happened these few days, I have decided to rest myself well these few days. I need to take time off to reflect, recollect and recompose myself back to the assertive person I was. This suggests that I am going to have a small or possible goals in academic. "Every big thing starts from small" is very true, and very here is not a exaggerated.  Friends around me will have realize how ambitious are my goals. I set them, work extremely hard towards them. However in the end, I found it exhausting, which directly to the situation I am in now. Now, I have to do small so I can remain prepared and mentally ready to take on upcoming adversity. 

LENGTHY? Yes! I am ranting and letting my feelings off here. All the better if I can talk this over with someone. 

High Rope Challenge

I went to HRC earlier on during daytime. It is a npcc event that everyone will have a chance to battle their fears of heights (including me). It is located at Pulau Ubin.

Nonetheless, the highlight of the challenges is the Flying Fox from 7 storeys high! Strangely, I had the urge to complete it confidently even though I have fears of heights. I did it, without a split second of hesitation when I was on the edge of jumping down. For a moment, I decided to stand up and jump instead, but I was already lifted off and on the verge of jumping. I jumped, looking at the clear green field in front of me and I felt as if I was flying, really. I spread my limbs like a star and enjoy every wind that brushes me. I was overjoyed and jubilant with my own success. That moment was classic, I enjoyed every single moment before the jump and during the jump. Furthermore, Nicholas and I were the first to volunteer to start the event first. I actually felt like a [u]frying[/u] flying prawn. 

It is just a small update, I will try to update as much as possible in the future. Cheers!

That's all I know.

Certainly, he didn't trivialize other people's ideas. I was an addicted gamer before and I know how much time it had wasted in my life. 

Misunderstanding.

I swear I am so pissed off during chem lesson. She actually said that she was disappointed in me even though I am the one who told her about this issue. Wtf man, she never asked why and started to condemn my freedom of speech. Yeah, class of cheaters. Another thing is that some despicable assholes in class are proven to be a pile-of-buffalo-dung- that don't have the single gut and sided with Cowardice. You guys are plainly beasts, maybe worse than that. No guts to admit what you all have done, all of your life must be tragic. 

Then after school I saw her and tried to explain, then she said she knew what I meant in class. Wait, confused? Yes, she don't even gave me a chance to justify the clause in class yet she criticized my actions in front of the class even though she knew my intentions all along? Plain irony, it is ME who should be disappointed in everyone involved. 

That totally spoil my day and in addition with my lit test. I was unprepared for this test because I have been having headaches deciding whether to combine or continue my pure sciences. Till now, I don't have the slightest idea of deciding even though I have consulted teachers. I believe I can manage pure sciences but the problem is, can I afford it? I have the time to afford it but the commitments, I am skeptical about it. Meanwhile, I think I am sided with staying pure sciences because I believe my guard will be down if I converted, which I will assure one more A1 if I do, but time gained will be wasted. But combined science will secure time to improve on my languages and humanities, which will perfect my cut off point to below than 9.

Instead..

Ballad ftw. SNSD jjiang. hahahaha

Yoohoo, I don't want my blog to look so stern and melancholic. I want to add some life into it! Soooo, I want to talk about what thing makes me happy!

The first thing that makes me happy nowadays is being on task for whatever targets that I have set for that particular day. Recently, I have manage to be on course. This is incredible because in the past I was easily influenced and disturbed by anything around me, especially GAMES! Now, I only play games during weekends! Wahaha, this seemed to be hard at the start, but it happened anyway. 

The second thing is to eat! Although I'm skinny and small, my appetite become more and more huge as I started to eat more meals in a day! Wahaha, probably because of the increase in stress? Or is it I exercise regularly? No idea which but I appreciate lunch breaks and recess given now.

The third thing is to time where I can have more rest! I try to get 8 hours to sleep each day and I kind of succeed. But my body cannot take this short amount of rest as usually in the past I slept from 10 - 12 hours a day? Hahaha, I don't really have the time now. But sometimes I compromise my sleeping time for work la, hahaha.

I just want to keep my blog alive and updated la, of course the first thing is not the initial. There must be something else right? Hahaha, but it is the one who hurts the most. Okay, here, I wish zuoxiong and weilun a early happy birthday! 

Sadly for those who are reading my blog post regularly, I am a skeptical person when it comes to society. So, most of the time, you will read about my unhappiness with how society is organizing and ya, that's probably it. However, I will try hard to post something interesting and lighten up the mood from time to time ya. Hmm, this is because I don't want my blog to look so mundane and typical, I want to create this blog for the main purpose of reflecting, mainly what I am recking my head on.

And to the Miss, I cannot do anything more for you if you are not willing to reciprocate my slightest compromise that I have made, again and again. Don't use the prerogative that you are assigned by me to your advantage or ignorance. I am going to give up on you soon, really, even though I wish I will not but that is the limit that I can go over to help you. Happy living with your life and don't regret if that happened.

The ballad that has been on my mind recently, search for the translation meaning. Beautifully made, it is an art to listen to it meaningfully.

Underestimated-ideal.

I feel so foolish, to compromise what I want for what I need. I want to discard those overambitious aims in my life, they are suffocating me, I cannot think in the right mind anymore. I want to possess the things that I need back again, cherish them so hard that I won't budge even they forced me to. These words of commitment, I will keep to this promise. I don't want to regret, like what I do now, I want to change this mentality of mine. After all, it is all about perspective and perception. I hate to be an idealogical person, I want to be a down-to-earth person.

All of the above, is what most people think.

We need to think in a different perspective. I realized that society is not a vicious as it seems, it is even worse. Sometimes, my heart swears at the state of society that it is in now. So, now what? Should I keep a sane mind by ignoring these issues or drive myself to a frenzy to tackle these perplexed issues? Who am I or why am I doing the later? It is because everyone is just hiding inside their shells, afraid to expose their real identity to the society. They are overwhelmed by fears, of losing what they really needs for what they really wants. In fact, they are restrictively blinded by social norms, they cannot differentiate needs and wants. This is where the downhill of their life comes in, which I won't elaborate any further.

I may looked as someone who is trying to be philosophical, but really, I know I cannot change the society, but I at least I can convince some of you to think what you really vision your own world. I believe everyone has their own worlds, where time, perception, perspective and people vary from one to another. That is the main reason I choose to pursue the course of Psychology. I want to spread my ideas, daringly. 

Gawd, I just realized Singapore's standard of living is just too high. Which made me pondered what should I do in my future, should I stay or should I go? I figured that I will most probably emigrate with my family to other country where the stress of living is not high there. Nevertheless, I am still stuck here in Singapore for next 10 years.

Time goes by real slow this week, partly because I dislike it. Why you suppose? Just couple of self-expectations not met. It may seems funny or weird to you why am I putting myself just because of those expectations, but Capricorns are mostly high goal setters. It is just a mere coincidence that it is associated with horoscope, which I do not believe in. However I do find this modicum of high expectations important as it consistently improve me in terms of anything you can mention about me. Sure it might be tough or torturous depending how far my expectations can go, I believe it is for a good will and that is what separates what me from all of you. No puns intended though.

Lastly, I would like to mention about that situation in Haiti. I believe many of you have come across this news about Haiti suffering their worse earthquake in 200 years. For your information, even the UN declared that it is the worse disaster faced by them. Nonetheless, the purpose of writing this is to tell you all to dedicate some of your pocket money or even, time to write a simple note of encouragement to them. Look, they do not even use more than 1 US dollar per month or year, they just need that money to repair and rebuild their buildings.Though it may sound cliche, we cannot be insouciant about this incident as we are far more better than them in everything. Character-wise not included.

PS: Seungyeon cuteness ftw.